Nothing like failing to make a person feel like a failure.

When people tell me that their biggest fear is failure, I always laugh. If your biggest fear is failing, then you aren't taking enough risks. Failure is a necessity. It keeps us grounded. It keeps us human. To succeed is a blessing. But too fail. That's a blessing in disguise.

Yesterday I tried my hand at full time employee and full time mom, and I learned two things. One: that it would be impossible for me to be a stay-at-home mom who is also a work-at-home mom successfully with a toddler. Jonathan requires too much attention. That's one of the things I love about him being this age. It's always "look at me, look at me" and I always want to look. But when the day job that puts food on the table and a rough over our heads requires me to look away, it breaks my heart. And two: that I haven't failed in a while. Yesterday I failed. And it was big.

Taking care of a sick kid while dealing with the demands of at least 20 people left me feeling tired, worthless, and alone. I sunk into a temporary depression that only sleep could cure. And I woke up feeling better, but knowing I had failed at every task that was thrown at me yesterday.

Today, with Jonathan still sick and unable to go to school, I will try my hand at this again. But today I will succeed. Maybe I won't be able to give 100% to each task. Maybe the day won't go as I planned. But I'll succeed because I won't let it get me down. I will do the best that I can with whatever the day throws at me. At this point, that's all I can ask.

Moms don't get time off for snow days.

Working from home when you're taking care of a kid isn't easy. We were supposed to get a huge snowstorm overnight, but as Mother Nature often changes her mind, the course of the storm has been delayed.

The last snowstorm resulted in me missing four hours of work; in order to pick up Jonathan when his school decided to close early. Rather than taking that chance again, I decided to keep him home with me. A decision that I am now regretting. Jonathan is at the age where he requires a lot of attention. He craves it. And I want to be able to give it to him. But trying to keep an eye on all the employees that I have to babysit and trying to babysit my own son, leaves me giving my full attention to no one. And makes me look like a bad mom and a bad employee. If this storm never arrives, I will look like an idiot to my boss and co-workers. And if Jonathan's school ends up staying open all day, I will have been unproductive without reason.

I'm thankful to have the option to work from home on days like today. But I don't want to jeopardize my job for being seen as someone who takes advantage. It's a no-win situation. The option to be a full time employee and a full time mom is virtually nonexistent. And as the bread-winner for this family I have an obligation to succeed at both.

The Whitney English Day Designer... Worth the wait?

I am a big fan of day planners. I have used many different variations over the years, but never found one that quite fit my needs. Until now. The Whitney English Day Designer is amazing.

When I came across this planner I had already purchased my planner for the year. But I was in love. I kept holding out for a sign that I should purchase this planner. After all, I already had a planner for 2013 and while the cost of the Day Designer was comparable to other planners (when taking into consideration all that it offers), the cost of shipping was not. $12 for standard shipping made me a little hesitant. I'm used to free shipping on orders over $50 and in some cases orders over $25. Or at least express shipping when paying more than $6 for shipping on one item.

But last Tuesday I could no longer make excuses on not buying the planner. I got the sign I had been waiting on. In limited quantities, it was available in hot pink and white stripes (it normally comes in sleek black and white stripes). I was sold. I ordered it that minute from the Whitney English Etsy website and waited patiently for my order to ship. And waited. And waited.

Finally, a week after placing my order I received an email that my order had shipped. Then there was more waiting because It was another two days before it arrived. And yes, it was worth the wait. But worth the wait and the shipping cost? I'm not entirely sure yet.

While I have only had the Day Designer in my hands for about 12 hours now, I am already extremely happy with it. As a mom with a full time job, freelance projects, an active social life, and three different schedules to keep track of, this planner is already helping me feel less stressed and more in control.

Perhaps I'm dwelling on this shipping issue too much, but we live in a world of instant gratification. And I expect the most for money. That includes prompt shipping, unless otherwise noted. The Whitney English Etsy Shop did not note that shipping times were longer than normal (other than a note that seemed to be leftover from the holidays). Nor did it state how long it takes to ship an item. And for all I know, a week is standard for this shop. But this was my first experience with them. So I guess I just assumed that my item would be shipped within a day or two of receiving payment. And I was disappointed when that didn't happen.

I'm not going to let this effect whether or not I purchase another one for 2014, but if I experience the same issue, I might start shopping around for another place to buy my yearly planner. As I said, I am very happy with the planner itself so far. And I cannot wait to use it to its full potential. I will post more within the next few days on the functionality and features that the Day Designer has to offer. I'm very excited to share this organizational tool with others who have a need for this type of product.

Is it too late for new beginnings?

My dear blog. How I have neglected you. It has been one of my goals for some time now to write more. And to get back to posting on here. I miss having the kind of time on my hands where I can focus on myself, even if only for a small amount of time. But I am stretched so thin these days. Between work, home, family, Jonathan, Lola and now a fish added to the mix, there is so little time to think of myself.

One of my many goals for 2013 is to get back to writing on a regular basis. To take part in NaPoWriMo next month and to post some or all of the poetry, prose, thoughts, ideas here.

Tomorrow is March 1st. Seems as good a day as any other to start over. 😉

Lost an old friend today...

I don't have to words to express how I feel at the moment. She was someone I spent a lot of time with in high school. Someone I have many fond memories of. Through the magic of facebook we were able to keep in touch. She will be greatly missed.

I know the pieces fit...

Handmade puzzles usually creep me out. It all goes back to my high school days, when a male student became obsessed with me. He created a heart-shaped puzzle for me and handed it to me, along with a cassette tape he used to record over an hours worth of his feelings about me. And that was just the beginning of a long string of gifts that left me unable to watch Star Wars movies, purchase cassettes, or look at a puzzle without shivering. 

These handmade puzzle items however, are 100% adorable and lack any signs of creepiness. Click on the pictures for links to the Etsy shops where these items can be purchased.

Puzzle Guest Book for Wedding

Love Puzzle

Puzzle Piece Necklace

10.6.11

If you no longer love me, then let me go...