Nothing like failing to make a person feel like a failure.

When people tell me that their biggest fear is failure, I always laugh. If your biggest fear is failing, then you aren't taking enough risks. Failure is a necessity. It keeps us grounded. It keeps us human. To succeed is a blessing. But too fail. That's a blessing in disguise.

Yesterday I tried my hand at full time employee and full time mom, and I learned two things. One: that it would be impossible for me to be a stay-at-home mom who is also a work-at-home mom successfully with a toddler. Jonathan requires too much attention. That's one of the things I love about him being this age. It's always "look at me, look at me" and I always want to look. But when the day job that puts food on the table and a rough over our heads requires me to look away, it breaks my heart. And two: that I haven't failed in a while. Yesterday I failed. And it was big.

Taking care of a sick kid while dealing with the demands of at least 20 people left me feeling tired, worthless, and alone. I sunk into a temporary depression that only sleep could cure. And I woke up feeling better, but knowing I had failed at every task that was thrown at me yesterday.

Today, with Jonathan still sick and unable to go to school, I will try my hand at this again. But today I will succeed. Maybe I won't be able to give 100% to each task. Maybe the day won't go as I planned. But I'll succeed because I won't let it get me down. I will do the best that I can with whatever the day throws at me. At this point, that's all I can ask.