Wednesday, September 30, 2009

I finished early - A massive artillery.

Tomorrow is when I can officially get my poem on, but seeing as how I finished my poem for Read Write Poem's Prompt #94 early I thought I would share. This poem was inspired by a photograph by Thomas Hawk. I wrote this poem in about five minutes and changed very little about it to acheive the finished product. I decided to keep the prose form that I originally wrote it in. Not sure if that takes away from the piece. As always comments and constructive criticism are welcome and appreciated. Thanks for stopping by!

Artillery

Don’t ask me what I see when I look at you. It saddens me to admit my feelings have changed. I’m fighting hard to push you away, but you won’t take the bait. Let me make this very clear so there’s no miscommunication. When I say don’t make this so hard on yourself what I really mean is don’t make this so hard on me. I’ve already moved on. I don’t mind saying it out loud if that’s what you need. My gun is drawn. My ammunition is ready.



My Angel and My Devil by Thomas Hawk

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6 comments:

  1. Radio NowhereOctober 1, 2009 at 11:42 AM

    I'm amazed at what people come up with all looking at the same source photo.

    Well done. And I liked that serious truth in there,

    "When I say don’t make this so hard on yourself what I really mean is don’t make this so hard on me."

    This is rock bottom truth here.

    Nice write!

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  2. AnonymousOctober 1, 2009 at 3:48 PM

    I like the implied switch in a soured relationship, and how casually, and totally, that relationship has gone from love to indifference, and that indifference can be backed up with such callous violence. This is tragically realistic and insightful.

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  3. Tumblewords:October 1, 2009 at 11:51 PM

    Powerful and poignant - there is no easy way. Nice work.

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  4. Wayne PitchkoOctober 2, 2009 at 12:31 AM

    I find this very powerful...nicely done

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  5. gautami tripathyOctober 3, 2009 at 11:38 AM

    I loved your take on it!

    let the red bleed

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  6. TimoteoOctober 3, 2009 at 1:11 PM

    Like your straightforward honesty here...I'll admit I haven't always been able to plunge that dagger with such force, but I see it as a KINDER thing to do in the long run--so there's no ambiguity and everyone can move on.

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